Pass The Pen: Christiana Hooks

As promised, we have a new voice we are excited to share with you today!

Meet Christiana Hooks. Film and television writer, producer AND director. Nail enthusiast with her own color named after her at our favorite, Olive & June. Lifelong friend of my co-founder, Kate. All around boss babe. And as of today, our very FIRST guest contributor here at The Happy Place.

Christiana is truly such an inspiring woman. She is someone that is always open to having honest conversations about life, love, and activism. And she’s a treasured friend to us at The Happy Place in times of celebration and now times of meaningful change.

We asked Christiana if she would be willing to share with us her decision to start a fashion and lifestyle blog and the experience of being a Black woman in predominantly white space. And lucky for us, she wrote the beautiful piece you will read below. Not only did she open her heart and share those ups and downs, but she also included a curated list of resources (books, films, tv shows, podcasts & non-profits!) for all of you during this allyship learning period!

As you will see, Christiana brings light to everything she touches.

Xx,

Jo

Hello THP family! I am so excited to be invited to use my voice here with you. It’s a real honor! It is also a much needed outlet and safe space during these uncertain and unsettling times that we are all navigating together. Thank you, JoAnna and Kate for welcoming me and sharing your online home with me. I am truly thrilled! 

So by now you’ve learned a bit about me from that lovely introduction by JoAnna. My name is Christiana Hooks. I am an LA Native, a Film and Television Producer, a former Fashion and Lifestyle Blogger, a daughter, a sister, the list goes on. However, the one thing I want to emphasize with you today is probably the most obvious of my attributes. I am a Black woman. You might be thinking, “Okay, I saw your picture. Why does that need to be stated?” Well, it does and maybe after reading this post you will understand why it’s so important for me to speak it. 

Now is the time to go get your tea because we will dive into my personal experience as a Black Blogger and you will want to sip! However, before we do that I want to take a moment to acknowledge the state of our country and the Black Lives Matter movement that has finally gained the attention and energy it deserves. I have had many hard conversations with my family and friends (of all colors) as we process this together. We’ve hit all of the emotions. We’ve been outraged, frustrated, devastated and depressed but the overwhelming mood during the last few weeks is hopeful. Where we used to feel alone and discouraged, we now feel uplifted and supported. It is so powerful to see this collective awakening and drive to take action. It is nothing short of incredible. It is a moment we’ve been waiting for, frankly for far too long. My hope is that people continue to learn and push themselves through the discomfort. This is life changing, we can’t go back to normal. Normal didn’t work. Normal was wrong. We must keep fighting for a better future! We must do it together!

We will come back to the force of the current day but for now I’d like to take you back to a random Tuesday afternoon in 2014. I was bored at work and scrolling through my perfectly curated Pinterest page. I had over 20k followers, which is still far more than I have on any of my other platforms combined. I was proud of my 80+ boards. By the way, who the heck has 80+ Pinterest boards?! Like, calm down crazy lady! I clearly spent a million hours putting this page together. I thought of my style inspiration board as my personal “Clueless” closet. Each morning I’d wake up, go to the board and pick an outfit for work. This particular Tuesday I was looking for something to wear to an event later that week. It hit me in the middle of my search, NONE OF THESE WOMEN LOOK LIKE ME! It felt like that fact slapped me in the face. How did I not see this before? Every single image on my page was of a tall, skinny, White woman. Every. Single. One. Needless to say, honey, that ain’t me! I remember sitting at my desk in shock. Why didn’t I seek out images that represented me? Why didn’t Pinterest offer images that looked like me? Now that this was on my radar, I had to get to the bottom of it. I typed several descriptions into the Pinterest search engine, all of which resulted in images of White women. The only way I could see people who looked like me or any person of color for that matter, was if I specifically typed in “Black Girl Fashion” or “Black Girl Hairstyles” and so on. Sadly, that is very indicative of life in general. White is the standard and if you are interested in seeing anything else, you have to dig for it. That is true for film & television, fashion (magazines, ads, blogs, all of it), beauty products and so much more. And you know what? I wasn’t digging for it. I was accepting these images that had nothing to do with me and just subconsciously hating myself for being different. Read that last sentence again. That is not okay.

Something changed for me in that moment though. I knew that if I was lacking representation, there must be other young, Black women out there searching as well. So right there at my desk, I made the decision to start my own Fashion and Lifestyle blog. I would be my own inspiration and maybe I’d reach other Black women who are also craving content for us. If I could give even a handful of Black women a space to see themselves, I would be happy.

I started researching all of the most successful blogs, which were mostly written by White women, by the way. I wanted to make sure my content could rival theirs. I hired a kick ass photographer named Rebecca Stephens, who made me feel beautiful. I spent a ton of money shopping for clothes, products, trips, etc. I figured it would be an investment until brands knew me well enough to collaborate. (Spoiler alert, they never did.) I threw a launch party to introduce my blog. I invited all of the Bloggers and Influencers I knew and even reached out to some that I didn’t. The event was quite stunning if I may say so myself. And just like that, “Ciao Christiana” was up and running! If you’re currently opening a new tab to go look up the blog…don’t. You will notice that it no longer exists and here’s why.

I just didn’t enjoy my time as a Blogger. It was kind of unpleasant. I knew I was entering into yet another predominantly White space but that was the whole point and I was ready to fight for my place in it. Unfortunately, I was constantly met with a feeling of doubt and hating myself for being different but this time it wasn’t just internal. I grew up in all White communities. From my schools to my neighborhoods, I was always one of the only Black people. I say this to let you know that I am fully aware of how to operate when I’m what we call the “Token”. There’s a certain behavior that Black people have to adopt to fit in, to be acceptable to most White people. There is a list of things we have to consider to be “White friendly”. Smile a lot, speak a certain way, don’t be opinionated, don’t get too excited or mad, just do your best to stay quiet, basically be a wallflower. I hate to say it but I’m a master at it. I’m also pretty darn self aware. I know when people are uncomfortable or faking around me. I know when I’m being dismissed and discriminated against and I saw it at every stage of my blogging.

Blogging was never my first job. As I mentioned, I am also a very hard working Producer, so my time is limited. At the few events I was invited to that my schedule allowed me to attend, I was usually the only Black person in the room. That gets old pretty quickly because it says that the brands and/or Influencers hosting only value a White audience and have no desire for diversity. That makes me feel unwelcome, even with an invite. This exclusion can also be displayed right there on the blogs and Instagram feeds of Influencers. If they are only collaborating with other White people, I don’t feel seen as a follower. Or when brands invite a group of Influencers on a vacation or some lavish experience and every single one is White. I could go on but you get the idea. It feels like people of color are simply not appreciated and that becomes exhausting.

I did have some lovely friends who tried to connect me with already established Bloggers in hopes of us collaborating, mentoring or even just becoming friends...what a concept! For the most part these women would meet me for the bare minimum amount of time, low key shade me for not having a significant following and show no interest in what I was trying to build. No joke, I had one of the most well known Bloggers basically call me a nobody to my face. She said I had no business going to New York Fashion Week and kept it moving like I was trash. Little did she know, I was going because a Designer personally invited me. I was literally traveling with her on her private jet. I’m sorry but who doesn’t belong now? I know, I know, totally petty but she earned that!

When I met another top Blogger (at Fashion Week, by the way) I told her that she was an inspiration to me and her blog was one of the reasons I wanted to start my own blog. I explained my mission and she was not at all receptive. She laughed at me and turned her back. A friend that was with me, who is also in the Fashion Industry clocked it and said under her breath, “You can’t say that to people like her. These girls don’t like new Bloggers coming in. You have to just play it cool and act like you belong.” WHAT?! I’m sorry, I can’t tell another woman that she inspired me? What is wrong with this picture? Why be an Influencer if you can’t influence? Women need to be encouraging each other not shattering dreams! Apparently she didn’t think there was room for both of us. I could continue with my list of these types of interactions but to make a very long story short, I’ll just say that I was met with microaggressions at every turn. Maybe some of these incidents weren’t about race but I know in my heart that some were. I had many moments out with one of my White friends who was also a new Blogger at the time and she was received with open arms, collaborations and advice where I was shut out. She now has a flourishing blog. I just felt so excluded in that world so I packed up my little website and went on about my business. I didn’t need it. I have an incredible career and I’m happy to stay in that lane.

There is a loss here though. While I was able to do my research and find more blogs of women who look like me, it turns out I did have a following and I let them down. I let other people silence me and bully me into quitting. Most of my content is on Instagram now and I do keep in touch with some of the beautiful women who appreciated the space we shared at Ciao Christiana but blogging is not for me. Instead I will focus my energy on telling the stories of Black women in my work as a Producer and an emerging Director. That is where I belong and I have no doubt about it. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still post a cute outfit or beauty tip from time to time but I’ll do it on my own terms.

To bring this all back to the important moment of history that we are in, I must say that I feel like a different woman now. There has been a real shift. Not only do I finally feel comfortable speaking this truth but now I will never let anyone treat me the way some of those women did. They are not better than me because they have a larger following. They are not better than me because they “belong” at Fashion Week. They are not better than me because they are White. They do not get to determine my worth. I am a Black woman and I will speak it. My ancestors fought for me to be free to do anything I want and I will do it. I will own who I am from now on instead of trying to be so “White friendly”.

Now I know that conversations surrounding race can be uncomfortable but they are so important. Honestly at this point, they are mandatory. I think most of us are seeing that now. So let’s have the hard discussions, use our voices, use our platforms, do the research and then let’s do the work to make this country and all the spaces in it truly equal and welcoming for all people. The world is filled with beautiful people of all colors, we all deserve to be seen and heard.

Okay, this is The Happy Place after all, so let’s end our time on a positive and happy note! Let’s talk about some of the things I’ve been doing to keep myself sane during this pandemic filled time. Mental health is the most important thing to take care of these days. If you’re anything like me, your emotions are on a crazy rollercoaster. I’m allowing myself the freedom to ride it without judgment and I hope you are too. Be kind to yourself as you learn and grow. It’s a marathon and we need all the strength. Also, throw yourself a dance party! I’m serious, it helps! I’ve been listening to DJ D-Nice on Instagram. Check him out, you will not be sorry! I’ve also been giving myself weekly manicures with my Olive & June mani kit. It is a legit game changer for at home manicures. And while I haven’t baked banana bread like everyone else, I have done a ton of cooking. I’m usually someone who eats out a lot so I’ve been trying to master my favorite dishes from my go-to restaurants. I’ve also become a puzzle person. I can spend hours standing over my dining table searching for that one fitting piece! (Insert emoji with the nerdy glasses.) Those are some of the fun hobby-like things I’ve been doing but I’ve also tried to keep my creative juices flowing. I have been working really hard on several personal projects. I’m writing a short film, directing two short form pieces and developing a few others. I’m staying busy and active and it’s all keeping me centered and productive. I want to do good in this world. I want to leave a mark with my work, we all do. Now is the time. We’ve got this because we’ve finally got each other!

Thank you so much for reading this long ass novel! I hope I have touched some of you with my words. Please feel free to reach out to me on Instagram if you want to engage further. I’m always happy to have new friends! And Jo and Kate, thank you again for giving me this time. I’m sure after reading this you understand how rare the opportunity is for me to be embraced this way and that does not go unnoticed. I have mad love for you both. Always have. XOXO!

- Below is a list of my curated resources for your readers during this allyship learning period if you think that will be helpful to include. 

Books:

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison 

White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo 

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou 

Films:

13th - Netflix (Which I happened to work on) 

Malcolm X

I Am Not Your Negro 

Fruitvale Station 

Daughters of the Dust 

Just Mercy 

Television Shows: 

When They See Us - Netflix (Also worked on that, please forgive my shameless plugs)

Dear White People - Netflix 

They Gotta Have Us - Netflix 

The Racial Wealth Gap, Explained (Season 1, Episode 1) - Netflix 

Podcasts:

1619 

Silence Is Not An Option 

Not Blank Enough 

NPR's Code Switch 

Nonprofits:

Array

Innocence Project 

Black Lives Matter 

Color of Change